Defending me

Since October 17, 1999, I have had one major problem..... my dearly beloved husband just is not a confrontational man, and when his family would start saying horrible things about me, he would never defend me. His defense was to just leave the situation, but he would never say anything to them. This hurt me tremendously, because I felt like he didn't really think I was worth defending. It has taken nearly all of these nine years for me to understand that it just comes from his inability to confront. The words just escape him, and he literally can get nothing to come out because he is so angry. Well, the other night, my brother in law sent a text message that contained some highly inappropriate things. Sal and I were laying together across the bed, talking, when it came in, so we both read it together. Needless to say, another argument ensued, as all my hurt feelings at not being defended once again rose to the surface. He in turn got angry with me, suggesting that I somehow "invited" or "encouraged" this behavior by even having communication with him in the first place. Finally, in a rage, I jumped up, grabbed my phone, and angrily stomped out of the house, flinging, "Well, if you're too afraid to deal with this, then I guess I'll just have to!" back over my shoulder. Out into the yard I went, dialing my brother in law's number with shaking fingers. Suffice to say, when our conversation was finished, I had said everything I wanted to say and then some, but, even though he apologized, it was NOT with sincerity, and I did not feel any better. Sal had followed me outside and listened to my end of the conversation. When I hung up, I went back inside without a word to him. He came in and asked me, "Well, what did he say?" I said bitterly, "If you wanted to know then YOU should have been the one on the phone with him!" Not much else was said that night after I told him, "I think you're afraid of your brother. The question is, why?" The next day, the kids and I left for our annual camping trip with my side of the family. Sal and I had "made up" that morning before he left for work, but it still didn't feel the same. My feelings were still very hurt. That night, I called him after I had put the kids down to sleep in their tents. He said, "I need a minute with you to tell you something.... I just got back from dealing with my brother." That statement nearly dropped me to my knees. I had to ask for clarification. He wouldn't give me any details, except to say that he got one of his other brothers to go with him, and when he was done, my brother in law knew not to mess with me again. It took me a few days just to really let that one sink in. Sal finally got up there Friday afternoon, and it just so happened that my oldest and I had gotten into a serious confrontation. Without even saying anything to him one way or the other, he called her over to him, asked her what was going on, gave her a few minutes to explain, and then completely handled the situation without one ounce of input from me. I just sat there, stunned. Could this really be MY husband that I had known for ten years sitting next to me??
All in all, I have to say that just that one incident has done so much to soothe over my hurt. I truly hope that one day, I can make him understand just how much it meant to me that he made a decisive stand for me.