Wondering...

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you were doing something you knew you shouldn't do, but you felt kind of powerless to really do anything about it? Worse yet, did you ever depend on someone to come through for you to bail you out of that situation, but they wouldn't? I found myself in a situation like that yesterday. Out of my own embarrassment, I will not reveal any details, but I was with my husband, and I was depending on him to "bail me out", so to speak, and he didn't. And because of his refusal to step up and say something, I found myself in a completely unfamiliar and mortifying situation. I needed him to say that he didn't want me to be involved in what was being proposed, but he wouldn't say anything one way or the other. When I found myself being pulled down a path I didn't want to walk, I looked to him for protection, and I found none. In my panic, the moment seemed to last an eternity, although it was less than 1 minute. But in that minute, I felt as though every ounce of respect that I had for my husband was being thrown in the trash. The moment wasn't scary, or dangerous, and, in some respects, was even kind of funny. But it was unwanted nonetheless, because I wanted my husband to wrap his arms around me in protection and say "No!". The question that I wrestle with is this: how much responsibility do I place on myself for what happened, and how much do I place on him? I am a grown adult; I am well past the age of accountability. I am fully capable of making my own decisions, and of being responsible for them. But if I am under the covering of my husband, and he didn't cover me, am I absolved of responsibility, or does he just share in it? *Sigh* That's what is so difficult about having a non-confrontational husband. He just doesn't have what it takes sometimes to stand up and put his foot down. I suppose that if it were a serious situation, and he really felt that it would be detrimental to me, he probably would have spoken up. Maybe I'm just making too much out of it because it was unfamiliar to me. But there again is a difficult question that I wrestle with: How much trust do I place in him? If it feels wrong, but he doesn't say or do anything to prevent me from being involved in any way, is it actually wrong, or am I making too much out of it? *GRR!* It is SO frustrating to be the wife, and have a different conviction of right and wrong than your husband! I feel like I'm constantly being torn between him and God. Do I stick with my convictions, or trust myself to my husband's convictions? I don't expect that there is any easy answer to this question, but I want to send it out to the void nonetheless. It's the age-old struggle that every married woman faces. It's very hard to trust in someone that you know will let you down eventually. Sometimes I think that Eve and I probably would have been very good friends if we'd been alive during the same time. I think we have a lot in common.