Wednesday, October 22, 2008

SHOCKER!!!!!

We received a random call from a friend..... she knows a guy who is trying to sell his auto shop, and she thought Sal might be interested... just for "kicks and grins" we called the guy, and he made it very clear that he wants to sell it to someone who will be honest and take good care of his customers. He said he was willing to work with us, and even owner-finance most of it (he would ask for part of it up front) if we needed him to. He's almost 60 years old, and is ready to retire. The business brings in almost 200,000 a year. The only thing is, it's about two hours west of here, past Bandera. We'd be leaving everything behind. We don't know anyone except that one couple, and they are actually my parents' friends. This town is very, very, very small; in fact, the graduating class last May was 8 people. It's something to think about, that's for dang sure.... anyone reading this, please pray that God would give us wisdom to make the right choice.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Patience: The Bane Of My Existence

I am so not a patient person.... patience is the one thing that I struggle with more than anything else. *sigh* I hate this struggle. Why is it my tendency to just snap and jump to conclusions, instead of being predisposed to hear the reason why a certain thing was done?? Patience is the one thing I want that seems to be completely unattainable. I know in reality, it is attainable, but I'm not patient enough to want to go through all the work to get it! *another sigh* I know, I'm hopeless....

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

It's All Worth It In The End...

So many things I'm thankful for, in spite of the craziness that surrounds my life with my new family. It's actually starting to get to the point where I look back on when it was just Sal, me, Mercy and Nick, and I think, "Oh, my word, how boring! What on earth did we DO??" Just the other night, we were sitting around the table (actually we have to have two tables, because we don't all fit at one; the two boys sit at a folding table next to the big one), and Sal was asking the kids about their day. One of them started in, detailing everything from waking up to the moment that Daddy walked in the door. The other kids were jumping in, adding their comments, and everyone was laughing and joking together.... tears came to my eyes, and my breath caught in my chest as I took in each and every smiling face, just so thankful for that small moment. It was like an out-of-body experience or something, and it suddenly hit me how soon this would all be over with, and it would just be me and Sal by ourselves again. God help me to always keep things in perspective, to remember that my life, Sal's life, the lives of the children, are but a wisp of smoke, passing so quickly from one stage to the next, and it will all be over before we know it; all our chances to make our time here eternally worthwhile will be gone. Help me to be more diligent to make the most of my time here with the children!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Vegetarianism

So, here's the scary thing; I've started looking at a lot of vegetarian dishes. Not because I want to go fully vegetarian, but because I hate that our diet practically REVOLVES around meat. It's so unhealthy, you know, we hardly get any vegetables in our diet. The typical dinner involves meat of one kind or another, with mashed potatoes and either canned corn or canned green beans----- BORING!!!! I have almost no imagination; I can't even think of anything different. I'm really struggling here, because every thing I see, all I get met with is, "Ew, GROSS!! I don't wanna eat THAT!" from all the kids, and, honestly from myself too. So tonight I tried a new recipe, called Southwestern Spaghetti Squash. All in all, it could have been alot worse, but, me being the perfectionist I am, I would consider it a failure. First of all, it had a thing on there to calculate the ingredients for however many servings you need. So I put in ten servings, one for each of us. Somehow, it SERIOUSLY over-calculated!!! It made so much, I would probably have enough to feed at least twenty people. It took forever, and, although it tasted basically good, I quickly realized that there were several alterations that I would make to make it better, besides scaling it down dramatically. I guess, overall, it was a success because I tried something new, which is way out of my comfort zone, and nobody except the baby threw up, and I think that was only because she had too much food in her mouth at one time. Still, it really irks me that I spent so much money on this food, and I have so much excess that we won't eat. I don't know.... I need some better ideas.... I'm a little bit irritated right now....

Monday, October 13, 2008

Defending me

Since October 17, 1999, I have had one major problem..... my dearly beloved husband just is not a confrontational man, and when his family would start saying horrible things about me, he would never defend me. His defense was to just leave the situation, but he would never say anything to them. This hurt me tremendously, because I felt like he didn't really think I was worth defending. It has taken nearly all of these nine years for me to understand that it just comes from his inability to confront. The words just escape him, and he literally can get nothing to come out because he is so angry. Well, the other night, my brother in law sent a text message that contained some highly inappropriate things. Sal and I were laying together across the bed, talking, when it came in, so we both read it together. Needless to say, another argument ensued, as all my hurt feelings at not being defended once again rose to the surface. He in turn got angry with me, suggesting that I somehow "invited" or "encouraged" this behavior by even having communication with him in the first place. Finally, in a rage, I jumped up, grabbed my phone, and angrily stomped out of the house, flinging, "Well, if you're too afraid to deal with this, then I guess I'll just have to!" back over my shoulder. Out into the yard I went, dialing my brother in law's number with shaking fingers. Suffice to say, when our conversation was finished, I had said everything I wanted to say and then some, but, even though he apologized, it was NOT with sincerity, and I did not feel any better. Sal had followed me outside and listened to my end of the conversation. When I hung up, I went back inside without a word to him. He came in and asked me, "Well, what did he say?" I said bitterly, "If you wanted to know then YOU should have been the one on the phone with him!" Not much else was said that night after I told him, "I think you're afraid of your brother. The question is, why?" The next day, the kids and I left for our annual camping trip with my side of the family. Sal and I had "made up" that morning before he left for work, but it still didn't feel the same. My feelings were still very hurt. That night, I called him after I had put the kids down to sleep in their tents. He said, "I need a minute with you to tell you something.... I just got back from dealing with my brother." That statement nearly dropped me to my knees. I had to ask for clarification. He wouldn't give me any details, except to say that he got one of his other brothers to go with him, and when he was done, my brother in law knew not to mess with me again. It took me a few days just to really let that one sink in. Sal finally got up there Friday afternoon, and it just so happened that my oldest and I had gotten into a serious confrontation. Without even saying anything to him one way or the other, he called her over to him, asked her what was going on, gave her a few minutes to explain, and then completely handled the situation without one ounce of input from me. I just sat there, stunned. Could this really be MY husband that I had known for ten years sitting next to me??
All in all, I have to say that just that one incident has done so much to soothe over my hurt. I truly hope that one day, I can make him understand just how much it meant to me that he made a decisive stand for me.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Dealing with stomach viruses

Yes, it's that time of year once again, and I have been given a brutal introduction.... Thursday morning dawned very early for me. About 1:30am to be exact, with a tentative knock on my bedroom door. I sleepily opened it to find Nick in tears, saying, "I just wanted to let you know that I accidentally threw up on my bed." I moaned in a way that all mothers are familiar with, and went to survey the damage. After stripping the bed, washing the pillow, and spraying the mattress, I set him up on big garbage bags on the couch, thinking that we probably wouldn't need them, that it was probably just something he ate that disagreed with his stomach. Three hours later, there was another knock on the door. This time Nick was telling me that he only threw up on the garbage bag and just got a little bit on the couch. Sighing, I set to cleaning up that mess, when Mercy barged out of her room and ran, gagging, into the bathroom. I finally put Nick on a sleeping bag on the kitchen tile and told him to stay there. I did the same for Mercy, then stripped her bed, washed her pillow, and sprayed her mattress. I laid down on the clean couch, and slept for about an hour and a half, then woke up to two screaming babies. When I went to get them up, one of them had vomit strung from one end of the crib to the other and was covered from head to toe. It was at this moment that my worst fears were realized: STOMACH VIRUS! I stumbled through my tears to tell my husband what was going on. He was in the bathroom, also throwing up. When I went back out to the living area, all the other kids were awake. I was telling them what was going on when I heard the all-too-familiar "plop"; Savannah, my three year old, had just thrown up on the kitchen floor.
And thus went our day for the next eight hours. Mercy, Nick and Savannah traded off time in front of the trash can that I put in the kitchen for the purpose, and we just cleaned up after the baby as best we could. Needless to say, I was exhausted by the end of the day. The next day was okay, but then Saturday morning, when I got the babies up, Camrie had explosive diarrhea (once again all over the bed), so we put her on a plastic mat on the floor to begin cleaning her up. Lexy was not too far away getting her diaper changed when suddenly, she began gushing vomit all over my teenager and my carpet. Then Savannah joined in later on, all over her plate and the table at lunchtime, and again at dinner. Then today, my teenager started it, and we're missing church right now.
I just wonder, why are there always stragglers? Why can't it just hit everyone and then we can be done with it? I guess it's just one of those "badges of honor" that mothers wear eventually, when they hear their own kids start talking about how "hard" it is to be a parent or whatever. I don't know.... but this too shall pass, and Mom is trying to convince me that one day, all too soon, it will be over, and I will wish for these days back. I'm actually starting to believe her...

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Dreams

I just had the most psycho dream ever!! I dreamed that I and my family lived in a wooden shack with my parents, brothers, and sisters, and even some of my extended family. Suddenly, Sal and I were outside arguing. He pulled my dad's .357 pistol on me. When he momentarily looked away at something, I grabbed the gun and pointed it at him threateningly. He had jumped back when I did that, so now I tried to get closer in case he tried to run. He shook his head at me and told me, "Oh, no you don't! I've got the gun!" and he pulled out another pistol and pointed it directly at me. I said, "Well, I've got a bigger gun!" and brandished the .357 at him. Then his expression hardened, and I saw him start to squeeze the trigger. I couldn't make myself believe that he would really shoot me, much less make myself try to run away. Then it happened. The gun fired, and I felt the bullet sink into my heart. I couldn't breathe, but somehow managed to stay on my feet. I was amazed that I still had the strength to stand, and wondered how long it would last. Sal looked at me with an expression of mixed fear, anguish, and glee. Then I pulled the trigger of the .357, firing a shot that dropped him to the ground where he stood. I stumbled away, trying desperately to catch my breath. I went upstairs to the bathroom and saw my clothes and left arm soaked in blood. As I was attempting to clean myself up, I sent someone to check on Sal, to see if he was really dead. They came back reporting that he was not there anymore; he must have gotten up and hidden himself somewhere. I finally found the source of the bleeding, and found that the bullet had only grazed me deeply, but had not lodged in anywhere. As I was putting a bandage on the wounds, I saw Sal in the mirror. He had the gun in his hand and was aiming it at me. The remainder of my dream was spent with Sal hunting me. It grew ever darker, until finally, the dream ended with me in the corner of a very dark room, unable to see anything but Sal's face, as he finally broke through the barricade in the room and pointed the gun at me.
As soon as I woke up, I sent him a text message that read: Will you promise that you'll always love me no matter what, and that you'll never try to shoot me?
He sent back a bewildered: yes?
Maybe I should lay off the chocolate milk before bed....