How many of you can relate to this scenario?
Your spouse comes home early. You have a vague feeling that something bad has happened, but you try to squelch the warning sirens going off in your mind. You calmly ask why they're home early, and they say the words you were dreading. Like atom bombs going mercilessly off one after the other, they explode in your mind with torturous clarity: I. . . LOST . . . MY . . . JOB! You wait for one painful moment before reacting, praying desperatly that it's all some cruel joke. But then, slowly, deliberately, you raise your eyes to meet those of your spouse, and in the pain, you read the confirmation that you did not want. A torrent of different emotions begin raging in you: fear, for how will you pay your mortgage, buy groceries, support your children without this income? Anger, at whomever is responsible, be it your spouse, their boss, coworkers, "fate", or even God. Hopelessness, for how in today's economy can a stable, profitable job be secured? Betrayal, for how could your spouse allow this to happen when they knew how much the entire family depended on that income? Guilt, for you begin to wonder how you may have contributed to whatever circumstances caused this job loss. Did you give enough support? Did you help them get all the rest they needed so they could be focused and clear-minded? Did you pile up unrealistic expectations in addition to the demands they had to meet at work? Reasonable or not, you struggle with these fears and emotions, while your spouse stands there, enduring your silence, waiting for you to say something, needing your love and support, fearing your anger and disappointment. But in that moment, no words of comfort can you give, and no words of comfort can you receive. You are utterly void, and the only thing you know is insecurity.
In this struggling economic time, I'm sure there are many people who can relate all too well to the scenario I described above. Unfortunately for me, however, this is not just a scenario that I created for the purpose of my blog. It is a reality that I have been faced with very recently. In fact, this is the second time I have been faced with such a reality as this. The first time was 2 months after the September 11th attacks. My husband and I both lost our jobs on the very same day, both of us laid off due to the declining economy.
Now I find myself facing it yet again. Strangely, even after 9 years, the emotions and the fears were exactly the same. The hopelessness that welled up and threatened to overwhelm me was the same hopelessness that I felt all those years ago standing in my bedroom with my whole world crumbling down around me.
But then something dawned on me. Something that I knew, but didn't notice. My reactions were exactly the same as they were the first time! Exactly the same, even though I've been through it before, and I saw firsthand how God provided for us through 6 months of unemployment. That's when I realized, my hurt and fear in 2001 opened a doorway to the Enemy that I have left open all these years. Upon further thought, I realize that everytime I'm faced with a negative change, or anything that may even vaguely threaten my sense of security, I tend to always react with these same emotions, and even these emotions tend to follow the same pattern. First comes the denial, then the fears as I mentally check off all the things that will necessarily be affected by this; then comes anger as I seek to place the blame on whomsoever I can find that seems likely to have played a part in bringing the circumstances about. This is then inevitably followed by guilt as I weigh my own actions, and look for all the ways that I may be the one who deserves the blame. All of these emotions are blanketed by a consuming hopelessness that sucks the life, energy, and ability to reason, completely out of me.
But something has happened that the Enemy was not counting on. I had been given the tools that I needed to combat him many years ago when I became a Christian, but I did not know how to properly use them, although I thought I did. But I have recently learned how to use them effectively. So now, about 10 or 20 minutes into my swirling whirlwind of emotions, I suddenly realized what was happening, and I closed the door to the anxiety, the fear, the anger, the condemnation, and the hopelessness. I have closed the doorway that I had left open all these years. I have retracted the open invitation I had given him to wreak havoc in my life.
And an amazing thing happened when I silenced the Enemy and closed the doorway: I felt peace. A peace in the midst of a job loss at the worst time of year and at a bad time economically. A peace that truly surpasses understanding. I felt the Hand of God over me, assuring me that He was present, and He is my Provider. It is He Who brings us food, and pays our mortgage and clothes my children. Not myself, and not my husband, but my Lord.
If you know me, and you love me, please pray for us, that the Enemy would continue to be powerless to destroy our family, and please join us in thanking God in advance for His provision, for I am very sure that it is coming.
But, Friend, if you have found yourself in the very same boat, please be encouraged that all is not as hopeless as it seems. There is peace to be found, and there is a Hope that will never fail you. If you don't understand, but you would like to, or if you simply need a listening ear from one who has walked this path before, I am here for you.
"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach the good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."
- Isaiah 61:1-3 (emphasis mine)
Your spouse comes home early. You have a vague feeling that something bad has happened, but you try to squelch the warning sirens going off in your mind. You calmly ask why they're home early, and they say the words you were dreading. Like atom bombs going mercilessly off one after the other, they explode in your mind with torturous clarity: I. . . LOST . . . MY . . . JOB! You wait for one painful moment before reacting, praying desperatly that it's all some cruel joke. But then, slowly, deliberately, you raise your eyes to meet those of your spouse, and in the pain, you read the confirmation that you did not want. A torrent of different emotions begin raging in you: fear, for how will you pay your mortgage, buy groceries, support your children without this income? Anger, at whomever is responsible, be it your spouse, their boss, coworkers, "fate", or even God. Hopelessness, for how in today's economy can a stable, profitable job be secured? Betrayal, for how could your spouse allow this to happen when they knew how much the entire family depended on that income? Guilt, for you begin to wonder how you may have contributed to whatever circumstances caused this job loss. Did you give enough support? Did you help them get all the rest they needed so they could be focused and clear-minded? Did you pile up unrealistic expectations in addition to the demands they had to meet at work? Reasonable or not, you struggle with these fears and emotions, while your spouse stands there, enduring your silence, waiting for you to say something, needing your love and support, fearing your anger and disappointment. But in that moment, no words of comfort can you give, and no words of comfort can you receive. You are utterly void, and the only thing you know is insecurity.
In this struggling economic time, I'm sure there are many people who can relate all too well to the scenario I described above. Unfortunately for me, however, this is not just a scenario that I created for the purpose of my blog. It is a reality that I have been faced with very recently. In fact, this is the second time I have been faced with such a reality as this. The first time was 2 months after the September 11th attacks. My husband and I both lost our jobs on the very same day, both of us laid off due to the declining economy.
Now I find myself facing it yet again. Strangely, even after 9 years, the emotions and the fears were exactly the same. The hopelessness that welled up and threatened to overwhelm me was the same hopelessness that I felt all those years ago standing in my bedroom with my whole world crumbling down around me.
But then something dawned on me. Something that I knew, but didn't notice. My reactions were exactly the same as they were the first time! Exactly the same, even though I've been through it before, and I saw firsthand how God provided for us through 6 months of unemployment. That's when I realized, my hurt and fear in 2001 opened a doorway to the Enemy that I have left open all these years. Upon further thought, I realize that everytime I'm faced with a negative change, or anything that may even vaguely threaten my sense of security, I tend to always react with these same emotions, and even these emotions tend to follow the same pattern. First comes the denial, then the fears as I mentally check off all the things that will necessarily be affected by this; then comes anger as I seek to place the blame on whomsoever I can find that seems likely to have played a part in bringing the circumstances about. This is then inevitably followed by guilt as I weigh my own actions, and look for all the ways that I may be the one who deserves the blame. All of these emotions are blanketed by a consuming hopelessness that sucks the life, energy, and ability to reason, completely out of me.
But something has happened that the Enemy was not counting on. I had been given the tools that I needed to combat him many years ago when I became a Christian, but I did not know how to properly use them, although I thought I did. But I have recently learned how to use them effectively. So now, about 10 or 20 minutes into my swirling whirlwind of emotions, I suddenly realized what was happening, and I closed the door to the anxiety, the fear, the anger, the condemnation, and the hopelessness. I have closed the doorway that I had left open all these years. I have retracted the open invitation I had given him to wreak havoc in my life.
And an amazing thing happened when I silenced the Enemy and closed the doorway: I felt peace. A peace in the midst of a job loss at the worst time of year and at a bad time economically. A peace that truly surpasses understanding. I felt the Hand of God over me, assuring me that He was present, and He is my Provider. It is He Who brings us food, and pays our mortgage and clothes my children. Not myself, and not my husband, but my Lord.
If you know me, and you love me, please pray for us, that the Enemy would continue to be powerless to destroy our family, and please join us in thanking God in advance for His provision, for I am very sure that it is coming.
But, Friend, if you have found yourself in the very same boat, please be encouraged that all is not as hopeless as it seems. There is peace to be found, and there is a Hope that will never fail you. If you don't understand, but you would like to, or if you simply need a listening ear from one who has walked this path before, I am here for you.
"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach the good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."
- Isaiah 61:1-3 (emphasis mine)
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